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And there I was, the “peaceful and loving” one, angrily belittling the worker-outer in my head.“You’re making this woman less than you, because she’s making that woman less than her. We spoke for a few minutes about the weather and mostly did a lot of smiling at each other and laughing at my bad Spanish. As more and more of us commit to love, we make an even bigger difference. Not greater than or less than, but most certainly the table at which I will always want to be seated.
I’m also not sure if it made any difference to her, but maybe. Maybe she left the gym with our interaction in mind, rather than the one with the woman. I told him I wanted to spread as much love as possible. You can find out more about me, my mission to spread love, and my writing at my site.
You’re being the same kind of ego-driven ass you’re criticizing her for being.”I could try (and did for a second) to justify my thoughts as coming from a better place, because I was judging her bad behavior. I’m not sure if the worker-outer was aware of our conversation, but I think so. We can only be as clear and kind and loving as we know how to be. In love and solidarity…Scott Stabile About fifteen years ago, a friend asked me what I wanted to do with my life.
And while we can’t do much about the beliefs we form without actively contributing, we all have our own systems of how we evaluate others.
When we’re in danger, we make split second decisions about where to jump, which corner to turn. We all do it around the clock because it’s a necessary function of moving, acting, and living in a dynamic world.
Maybe we need a new way to make sense of people’s behavior altogether.
If we want to develop a more accurate sense of judgement, one that leaves us feeling more comfortable in our own skin, we first have to look at why we feel we need an explanation of why people do what they do. Treating her poorly, even in my mind, only feeds the vast separation that already exists. Sadly, most of those systems are fundamentally flawed.When you criticize a coworker for being late to a meeting, but let yourself off the hook for ‘really trying hard’ the next time you’re stuck in traffic, the outside world will label you a hypocrite, maybe rightfully so. Both systems, even if practiced to a tee, put you under constant pressure to remain rigid in a world of permanent change.Regardless of which philosophy you grew up with, the message is, when choosing your own system as an adult, be consistent. No matter which basis of judgements you choose, you’ll quickly run into instances where you’ll want to change that basis. Maybe your girlfriend cheated on you, but you really want to forgive her. We secretly rate our family members by how much they support us, our friends by how fast they call us back and our coworkers by how cocky they are. When we meet someone new, we can instantly tell if they’re attractive or not, without having knowingly sorted them into either category. Judgement, both conscious and unconscious, is a fundamental part of the human experience. At the grocery store, we silently judge people waiting in line. When we eat, our gut signals to us what’s safe to put in our mouths and what’s not.We want to find out who to engage with and who to avoid.In a business negotiation, clarifying the wants of all involved parties is the quickest way to close a deal.Wouldn’t that allow us to interact with others based on what’s going on, rather than who we think they are? Or maybe one they they were forced to make, even if it wasn’t so?Because the only way we can really understand why people act the way they do is by assembling a picture of the context that they acted in. Getting a grasp on the many factors that went into other people’s choices is a process of discovery.