When in doubt, remember that your ideas should be complex, not your sentence structure.
Notice in the revision that the field is now clear (ecology), and the language has been made much more field-specific ("conservation methods," "green organizations"), so the reader is able to see concretely the ideas the student is communicating.
Constructing your thesis can be frustrating and time-consuming, but it is one of the most important tasks you will undertake while writing your paper.
Reconstruct, rewrite, and rework your thesis until it clearly states your topic and direction or claim.
Read on to learn more about constructing a strong thesis statement. " Additionally, the purpose of the paper—to "examine…to find similarities and differences" is not of a scholarly level.
This statement is concise, but it is neither specific nor arguable—a reader might wonder, "Which scholarly articles? Identifying similarities and differences is a good first step, but strong academic argument goes further, analyzing what those similarities and differences might mean or imply." Here, we can see easily that no scholar is likely to argue that leadership is an unimportant quality in nurse educators.The student needs to come up with a more arguable claim, and probably a narrower one; remember that a short paper needs a more focused topic than a dissertation.Students often write theses that state the topic of the paper but not the direction or claim. Check again to be sure the direction or claim of the thesis is clear.For example, these two theses provide clear topics without clear directions or claims: The topic of the first thesis (1) is Leslie Baxter's claims.In order to address issues of conflict between students, I argue that Kennedy High School should embrace policies outlined by the California Department of Education (2010).Words like "ineffective" and "argue" show here that the student has clearly thought through the assignment and analyzed the material; he or she is putting forth a specific and debatable position.The statement is arguable because the student goes beyond merely comparing; he or she draws conclusions from that comparison ("can reduce the expenses associated with employee turnover").You can see here that the student has simply stated the paper's assignment, without articulating specifically how he or she will address it.There are many words in this sentence that may be buzzwords in the student's field or key terms taken from other texts, but together they do not communicate a clear, specific meaning.Sometimes students think scholarly writing means constructing complex sentences using special language, but actually it's usually a stronger choice to write clear, simple sentences.